i think i have two assholes
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Randomize
