just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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