stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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