i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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