is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
this boner is exhausting
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Randomize
