that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
