Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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