stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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