Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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