Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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