So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
