i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
