I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
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