Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize