so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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