happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
