He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Sacagawea was the original milf.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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