yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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