did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
