Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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