i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
