how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
