On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
