I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
