cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
