how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
