Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Can I color on your dick again?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
