You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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