No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
