Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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