Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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