Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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