Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
