My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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