you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
