grandma shit on top of the toilet
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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