i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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