I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
where are my eyebrows?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize