Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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