The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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