Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
