I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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