There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
