I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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