Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
