she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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