The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
