good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
