Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
