I want to have your abortion
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
