Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
