I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
