im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
