but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Panties = found
Randomize
