I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
did i just pee glitter
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
