She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
