i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
