I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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