i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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