? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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