A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Randomize
