It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
